Sunday, December 28, 2008

a prayer

this is from Advent, I guess from the Book of Common Prayer, but I'm not really sure.

Most merciful Lord,
your love compels us to come in.
Our hands were unclean,
our hearts were unprepared;
we were not fit
even to eat the crumbs from under your table.
but you, Lord, are the God of our salvation,
and share your bread with sinners.
So cleanse and feed us
with the precious body and blood of your Son,
that he may live in us and we in him;
and that we, with the whole company of Christ,
may sit and eat in your kingdom. Amen.

Behold the Lamb of God; behold him that takes away the sins of the world.

Lord, I am not worthy that you should come under my roof; but speak the word only, and my soul shall be healed.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas to All

I'm trying to catch up...and since I haven't posted any music in a while. Here's one of my Christmas fave's. So much good theology here.

Hark the Herald Angels Sing
by Charles Wesley

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as man with man to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

GLORY TO OUR KING!

as promised


yay for my West African creche set!


and my very first Christmas tree


the AMAZING live nativity at the Rockettes


Merry Christmas to All, from the Rockettes


with my Pa on Thanksgiving

the things I can't do...

I had a long-needed conversation with two of my girls tonight. And it left me thinking...and realizing how "adrift" I feel.

I can't be Southern Baptist anymore. It's not where I am.
I can't live up to theirrules anymore. Or mine for that matter. I'm tired!
I can't listen to only Christian music.
I can't go to the perfect church and be a a perfect leader in a perfect ministry.
I can't be afraid of the past. Or the future.
I can't love only those who are easy to love, if that were the way it worked, who would love me?

I'm not a porcelain teacup...

All I know I can do is love Jesus so much it hurts. And walk in His grace and freedom. And pray that when I drift in to port I'll be right where He wants me.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas is here again

I'm having a hard time keeping up on here these days, mostly because I don't have the internet at my house yet, and partly because I've been living in the Twilight Zone. but...

I'm almost settled into my new place. And I get my very own first couch on Friday!

I also have my very own first Christmas tree. It's white and doesn't have very many ornaments yet, but it's mine. I can't find a tree skirt or tree topper that aren't tacky though. I know the mind reels at how a girl with a white Christmas tree which is by very definition tacky can't find a tree skirt and topper. Nevertheless...

I went with my family to see The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. A-MAZ-ING. I turned into a kid.

I start school in just a couple of weeks. For the record, my books cost almost as much as my tuition.

I'll post pictures again soon. As soon as I have the internet again...

Thursday, December 04, 2008

life as I see it

Tommy Tubberville was fired today. Today was not a good day to be an Auburn Tiger.

I started a new job this week. Monday actually. Good times learning and getting to know everyone.

I'm totally overwhelmed by the fact that I am working tons at J.Crew for the holidays. The people are nice, I've had a blast helping dress mannequins, I'm getting to spend lots of time with people I like a lot, it's extra money...but I'm exhausted.

I finally move back into my own place on Friday. I hate moving, but I can't wait for that first night alone.

A good friend who is preggers is coming to visit this weekend-can you have more fun than shopping for elastic waist pants and tiny baby clothes.

Thanksgiving was good...quite uneventful which was what I needed. Of course good food, followed by the best Pumpkin Pie east of the Mississippi. Hopefully I'll move pics to my computer soon.

I start school in a month. All I have left to do is buy my books. Which is a painful thought since 1 science book costs more than I spend on food in a month. But I'm stoked...and can't wait to see what doors are opened in the next few years.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the hungry...more hungry

there's a Global Food Crisis. made worse by our nation's dependence on fuel. and even worse by our decision to use the the food that many nations rely on to fuel our cars.

a few facts (from the Compassion website):

One person in seven goes to bed hungry every day.
• Approximately 854 million people across the world are hungry.
• Every day, nearly 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes. That amounts to one child
every 5 seconds.
• About 5.6 million or 53 percent of child deaths worldwide are related to under-nutrition.
• Approximately 146 million or 27 percent of children under age 5 in developing countries are
underweight.
• Nearly 17 percent of babies in developing countries are born with a low birth weight
compared with only 7 percent of babies in industrialized countries.
• More than 6 million children die from malnutrition each year.
• Worldwide, 161 million preschool children suffer chronic malnutrition.
• Already 40 percent to 50 percent of the world’s populations are undernourished and there
are 50 million starvation-related deaths each year.


Sources: www.one.org, www.bread.org, www.unicef.org, www.who.int, www.unep.org

Compassion is doing something to help. and you can be a part of it...here. for $13 you can feed a child for a month. you can even buy a t-shirt with "please" in the language of one of four countries hit hardest by the crisis. sure to be a conversation starter.

and if you still haven't sponsored a child, now's a perfect time. you can do that here, or use the widget to the right.

Friday, November 14, 2008

the difference

I hold on through memories.
The ones I'm sometimes afraid of.
The way he looked, the time he shaved his beard and I couldn't stop laughing.
The way he reminded me every year on my birthday that it meant he was getting old.
The way he patiently waited for me every night after dance...and sacrificed things he wanted to pay for it.
The way he took us fishing.
And how proud he was of us.
That last morning...
She holds on through tangible things.
Pictures of him.
Things he bought or that she bought using "his" money.
And grieves when those things are lost.


She said there's pain and strength in my eyes.
And sweetness in hers.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

what I know of love

I Saw What I Saw by Sara Groves

This video spoke to me in so many ways. How I miss Africa, every day. The faith and joy there in the midst of such extreme need. Daily tragedy. And the Lord's consistent reminder of His command-

"Go, making disciples-teaching them all I've commanded you"

Lord, here am I...send me!



lyrics:

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love

we've done what we've done and we can't erase it
we are what we are and it's more than enough
we have what we have but it's no substitution

Something on the road, touched my very soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, changed my world

Friday, November 07, 2008

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Martin Luther King Jr.

A Franciscan Prayer

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

I dig it

International Justice Mission- a Christian human rights agency that secures justice for victims of slavery, sexual exploitation and other forms of violent oppression. Investigators, lawyers and other professionals work with local officials to rescue victims and to promote justice.
Check out their Christmas "catalog."

Samaritan's Purse- provides spiritual and physical aid to hurting people around the world. They meet needs of people who are victims of war, poverty, natural disasters, disease, and famine all while sharing the love of Christ.
Check out Operation Christmas child.

Compassion International- a Christian child advocacy ministry that releases children from spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled Christian adults. They now help more than 1 million children in 26 countries (Marashet Simon of Ethiopia is one!).
Keep up with a current team of bloggers on a trip to the Dominican Replublic.
And sponsor a child! For $32 a month, you can change a child's life by providing for physical needs and giving access to the gospel.

Product Red- created to help stop the spread of AIDS in Africa. It's a business model to raise money and awareness for the HIV/AIDS problem in Africa. A portion of each sale goes to support Global Fund financed programs used to positively impact communities impacted by HIV/AIDS in Africa.
Check out Starbucks from November 27th to January 2nd-they'll have a new line of (RED) items and a $.05 from the sale of their "exclusive" Holiday drinks will go towards the Global Fund.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Jesus Christ Is Stronger!

“Ready for some good news? . . .

Jesus Christ is stronger!

Stronger than my fears about the future or my shame over a past that cannot be altered though I wish so much I could do some things differently.

Stronger than my tired prayers with well-worn phrases and weary pleas.

Stronger than my need to know now, and have the trial terminated.

Stronger than the enemy of my soul who would discourage me with my own failings and disillusion me with the faults of others.

Such a simple truth—Jesus Christ is Stronger.Stronger than what,’ you ask? Stronger than whatever would cause you doubt or discouragement today.”

James McDonald

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

a prayer

We beg you, Lord, to help and defend us. Deliver the oppressed, pity the insignificant, raise the fallen, show yourself to the needy, heal the sick, bring back those of your people who have gone astray, feed the hungry, lift up the weak, take off the prisoners’ chains. May every nation come to know that you alone are God, that Jesus Christ is your child, that we are your people, the sheep of your pasture.
Clement of Rome

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Anywhere is On the Way

I had the opportunity to here my friend Peter, who is a total ROCKSTAR by the way, sing some of his original stuff recently. This song was on my mind for weeks after so I asked if I can share it. It really spoke to me in a time where I was desperately seeking the next thing, the next place. The Lord used it to remind me just to go, the ultimate destination isn't as important as the action itself. I hope it blesses you the way it blesses me.

Check out more of Peter's stuff here.


Virginia I'm leaving
Can't keep it in.
Through oceans filled with tears
I have to swim.

When you walk to the edge of the world
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

Gibralter I need you
Ukraine is cold
I was arrested in China
Escaped to Seoul

When you walk to the edge of the world
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

When you're ready to leave everything
Then anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

You feel like you can't make it
You're not alone
'cause I've walked to the edge of the world
Now I'm ready to see my Lord

If you're ready to walk by faith
Anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

Maybe angels, you'll entertain
If anywhere is on the way
Anywhere is on the way

why we do what we do

it's easy to forgot in the monotony of the day to day why you do what you do.
this was a reminder for me, and gets me excited about the part I get to play!



check out STUDENT LIFE for more cool stuff

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Give It Away

Blog Action Day 2008
POVERTY

When I learned about this day and started thinking about Poverty-what I've seen, how I feel, what I'm doing in my own life-I was reminded of Africa.

The kids whose parents thought they were fat. But they actually had distended bellies from malnutrition. And whose hair had turned red. Another sign of malnutrition.
The guys on the side of the road whose bodies had been mangled. Some of them as a result of inoculations they received as kids. Some as a result of war. Some born with disabilities.

I have a picture in my head from my time in Nigeria that I promised myself I'd never forget. A picture of young man running as fast as he could down the road to catch up with our van. Only hoping we'd buy a sack of apples. I can't even imagine a need that great.

The Lord has been challenging me lately to "give it away." My money, my time, my resources, my blessings. I'm not sure completely what that means. But as I mentioned in my last post, it's brought someone new into my life through Compassion International.

I was blessed to have the opportunity to meet Michelle Tolentino, a graduate of the Compassion Program. Such a sweet spirit, and amazing story of how the Lord changed her life by removing her from poverty and showing her His love through the program and her relationship with her sponsor. She's a student at Moody Bible Institute and isn't able to work while she's in school. She truly challenged me by sharing with me that she gave up half of her meal plan at the school cafeteria to sponser her second child through the program.

Check out what Compassion does here, and pray about becoming part of a child's life...




Saturday, October 11, 2008

catalyst

I got back from a work trip to a conference last night. I have to admit I wasn't stoked about this trip. But, it ended up being a really good time.

1. The Pop n' Lock champion from this years So You Think You Can Dance was there. And I got to see him do his stuff.

2. Dinner at Dante's Down the Hatch. Fondue. Yummm....

3. Dave Ramsey speaking on Leadership.

4. Matt Chandler. Enough said.

5. Working at the Compassion tent and getting to see sooo many kids get sponsors.

6. Sponsoring my first Compassion child. Marashet Simon, a three year old from Ethiopia. So cute I can't handle it.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

earth from above

This is sooo cool. Check it out and learn a little about our super cool world.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Speak O Lord

Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend

Speak, O Lord, as we come to You
To receive the food of Your Holy Word.
Take Your truth, plant it deep in us;
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness,
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith.
Speak, O Lord, and fulfill in us
All Your purposes for Your glory.

Teach us, Lord, full obedience,
Holy reverence, true humility;
Test our thoughts and our attitudes
In the radiance of Your purity.
Cause our faith to rise; cause our eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority.
Words of pow'r that can never fail—
Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds;
Help us grasp the heights of Your plans for us—
Truths unchanged from the dawn of time
That will echo down through eternity.
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises,
And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us.
Speak, O Lord, till Your church is built
And the earth is filled with Your glory.

in the vineyard

I've been thinking a lot about Marcy's post...

This past Sunday my Priest (that sounds weird to say, but explanations may come later, anyways...) was preaching on a passage in Matthew. The Parable of Two Sons.

"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.
'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will, sir,' but he did not go. "Which of the two did what his father wanted?" "The first," they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.
Matthew 21.28-32


I've been thinking, a lot. About the reality that if we are His, we'll be in the vineyard working. Sometimes we won't feel like going. After all, it's dirty and exhausting work. But at the end of the day, what we want is to please our Father. So we go...

Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.
Revelation 2. 4,5a


Wednesday, October 01, 2008

done living

by Justin McRoberts

Well, I spent the whole night fighting
Fighting with some ghost
And when the break of morning found me
I'd both won and lost

You see the question isn't are you going to suffer any more
But what will it have meant when you are through?
The question isn't are you going to die, you're going to die
But will you be done living when you do?

Yes, I spent the whole day running
Trying to catch the sun
But when the darkness overtook me
All my running had made me strong

So run till you cannot take a single step in strength
Then crawl on your hands and knees, till your hands and knees they ache
And when you cannot crawl
It will be me you call to carry you back home again.

death by love

a new book that looks worth the read...

Saturday, September 20, 2008

the truth we profess

this image haunts me...


you can find this image and others documenting Ramadan 2008 here

Muslim's around the world are observing their holy month of Ramadan. During this month they fast and pray. This includes fasting from sunrise to sunset, literally using a black string to distinguish these moments in time. Many of them will not even swallow their own spit during the day...unbelievable devotion to a god who cannot save. Hoping that on the day of judgment the scale is heavier with good than bad. Pray that in their prayers Almighty God will reveal Himself to them, through dreams and visions if necessary.

Praying that He'll allow us to be part of reaping the harvest,

Amber

Monday, September 15, 2008

ART MUSIC JUSTICE

check it out...and if you've never heard of NoiseTrade, consider this your introduction.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Loves Like a Hurricane, I am a Tree

found this here while I was looking for lyrics...lyrics are part of original post.

Dear God,

I'm gonna write this like you don't already know. And thoughts that don't line up neatly might make a little more sense on this screen.

I know we don't talk much these days. You're mostly ignored, save for some unguarded moments right before sleep. I've been busy dodging your calls and looking for hurdles to put in your path. But thoughts of you still slip in quiet, like when traffic surprisingly opens or gets out of my way. And you came back to mind in the middle of a movie today.

I don't have big reasons like war or the poor to stubbornly push you away. If we all sat and counted our hardships mine wouldn't stack up that tall. And that says more than a little about how easy I find it to fall. I've just got me and my everyday problems, and they don't even hold up that well. So I don't understand why I don't boomerang back to your side. Even when my head's alright with the thought, my heart is just shrugging and not really up for the ride.

Most of the folks that I love in this world have you in common. And if not for your church then we'd never have met. So when they ask how I'm doing it feels like I'm betraying some confidence. I used to sing songs with my hands held up high, but these days it's like scheduling time for the dentist. For the life of me I can't find one good reason to have lost trust in you. But that's how it is, and I was hoping we could do something about that.

I miss the looking forward to you. With all these feelings of falling and changing, I miss the gravity of you.

david

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane - I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a sudden I am unaware
These afflictions eclipse my glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me

yeah, he loves us - whoa how he loves us so
whoa how he loves us
whoa how he loves us

we are his portion and he is our prize
drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes
if grace is an ocean - we're all sinking
so heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss
my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
when I think about the way that he loves us

~ How He Loves Us, John Mark McMillan

Thursday, September 11, 2008

a dissatisfied Messiah

i found this here: firstimportance.org

“The One on whom we wait is a dissatisfied Messiah. He will not relent, he will not quit, he will not rest until ever promise he has made been fully delivered. He will not turn from his work until every one of his children has been totally transformed. He will continue to fight until the last enemy is under his feet. He will reign until his kingdom has fully come. As long as sin exists, he will shower us with forgiving, empowering, and delivering grace.

He will defend us against attack and attack the enemy on our behalf. He will be faithful to convict, rebuke, encourage, and comfort. He will continue to open the warehouse of his wisdom and unfold for us the glorious mysteries of his truth. He will stand with us through the darkness and the light. He will guide us on a path we could never have discovered or would never have been wise enough to choose. He will supply for us every good thing that we need to be what he’s called us to be and to do what he’s called us to do in the place where he’s put us.

And he will not rest from his work until every last microbe of sin has been completely eradicated from every heart of each of his children!”

—Paul David Tripp, “Psalm 27: Inner Strength”

MIA

I haven't been around a lot recently. I haven't fallen off the face...just been busy. Mostly learning, and thinking...
Hopefully soon there will be words.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Glorious Day

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises,
One day when sin was as black as could be,
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin,
Dwelt among men, my Example is He!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain,
One day they nailed Him to die on the tree;
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected:
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He!

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer,
One day the stone rolled away from the door;
Then He arose, over death He had conquered;
Now is ascended, my Lord for evermore!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming,
One day the skies with His glories will shine;
Wonderful day, my beloved ones bringing;
Glorious Savior, this Jesus is mine!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

O glorious day!
O glorious day!

Living, He loved me; dying, He saved me;
Buried, He carried my sins far away;
Rising, He justified freely forever;
One day He’s coming—O glorious day!

Monday, August 18, 2008

i wanna sing a song

since I haven't posted any new music in a while....

PSALM 62
Stuart Townsend and Aaron Keyes

My soul finds rest in God alone, My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes, And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse, And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness, I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go, Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow are harvested in heaven.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone, and trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul, and He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath, a sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death and I am His forever.

and a short chorus from Hillsong...

the same power the conquered the grave, lives in me, lives in me

the same love the rescued the earth, lives in me, lives in me

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

can I be perfectly honest?

I'm learning something about myself...something big.

I'm afraid. I don't mean your average afraid. Not afraid of snakes, or planes, or the dark (although I am afraid of the dark).

I'm afraid of life.

I'm afraid of failure. Afraid of missing the mark. And messing everything up. Afraid of not being smart enough. Afraid of expectations. I'd rather you just not expect anything, I don't know how much I have to give. Afraid of love. Loving others and being loved. Afraid of change. The unknown. Afraid of me. Afraid of you. Afraid of what you'd say if you knew. Afraid I'll miss the plan. And miss out on my whole purpose. Afraid of disappointment. Of disappointing or being disappointed. Afraid of who you might really be. Afraid I'll make the wrong choice. Afraid I'm not pretty enough. That I don't fit the mold. Afraid I'll never figure it out. Afraid if I follow, there will be only pain.

For a long time I've been sitting in the corner, in the dark, afraid. But the Lord is shining His light in...and revealing the deep fears. The light hurts my eyes...but once I'm awake, I've adjusted...Lord, I wanna be brave...help me set my face like a flint and walk straight towards you. No fear, only faith...because perfect love casts out fear!

Saturday, August 02, 2008

commission

"If a commission by an earthly king is considered and honor, how can a commission by a Heavenly King be considered a sacrifice?"
-David Livingstone

Thursday, July 31, 2008

two things

My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner and that Christ is a great Savior.
John Newton

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

No Scar?

this has been on my heart, so I'm sharing...

by Amy Carmichael

Hast thou no scar?
No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land,
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star,
Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers, spent,
Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned:
Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?
Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,
And pierced are the feet that follow Me;
But thine are whole: can he have followed far
Who has no wound nor scar?

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

more music, all the time

Watch Over Me
by Aaron Shust

I was lonely
You came waltzing over to me
And Your eyes they saw right through me
And You heard each one of my cries for help
And You came to rescue me
I was broken
Every prayer that I had spoken
Reached Your ears and all my tears weren’t cried in vain
You carried all my pain
And put me back together again
You watch over me in the darkest valleys
You watch over me when the night seems long
You help me to see the way before me
You watch over me; You watch over me
Always faithful
To be leading, at this moment
Interceding for Your children
Though I’ve wandered astray from Your infinite ways
You’ve never left me alone
Take my frozen heart; awaken me
Never once have You forsaken me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will guide and defend me
You’ll guard and protect me
Even though I walk through this shadow of death
You will lead me home

Sunday, July 27, 2008

living like eternity is at risk

...cause it is!

I am speaking the truth in Christ-I am not lying; my conscience bears me witness ion the Holy Spirit-that I have great sorry and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.
Romans 9.1-3

I don't know about you, but I don't live this way. Not only do I not live this way, I don't even think this way. Ever. I've never had such great compassion for the nations, for my neighbors, that I'd give up my own eternity for their sake.

If all of this is true...
for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith...Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with god through our Lord Jesus Christ...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us...Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God...Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!...For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do...
Romans

and this is true...
And the smoke of their torment goes up forever and ever, and they have no rest, day or night...
Revelation


and this....
1 billion people have never heard the name of Christ
at least 4.5 billion have never encountered Christ


what are we waiting for? how can I not be willing to jump into the chasm of eternity when so many have never known this great love!

We've found someone worth risking it all!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

can't somebody do something about this guy?

Sudan has again warned it cannot guarantee the safety of UN and African Union peacekeepers in Darfur if its president is indicted for war crimes.

A presidential adviser said that if the International Criminal Court indicted Omar al-Bashir, Sudan could not be held responsible for the troops' well-being.

Earlier this month, the ICC prosecutor asked judges in The Hague to issue an arrest warrant for President Bashir.

The judges are expected to announce their decision in a few weeks' time.

The adviser, Bona Malual, told the BBC the government was not expelling the joint UN/AU force (Unamid), or even threatening the troops.

It was, he said, simply saying how Sudan would view the situation.

Seven UN peacekeepers were killed in an ambush in northern Darfur the week before the prosecutor's request.

Visas in question

Mr Malual, a veteran south Sudanese politician, was speaking in Ethiopia, which he is visiting as part of Sudan's diplomatic offensive against the indictment.

He was more forthright than any other Sudanese spokesman has been so far about the effect a possible indictment might have on peacekeeping and humanitarian operations in Darfur, says the BBC's Elizabeth Blunt in the Ethiopian capital, Addis Ababa.

Mr Malual suggested Unamid could become a kind of Trojan Horse, bringing the threat of arrest into Sudan's own sovereign territory.

He said it meant that the government could not be held responsible for the security and well-being of the peacekeepers and other foreign nationals in Darfur.

It was not a question of asking them to withdraw, he said, but if they did not take this seriously, and left their people in Darfur and anything happened to them, then it was their own responsibility.

The only thing the government might do, he added, would be to cancel the visas and permits they needed to remain in the country.

Story from BBC NEWS

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hosanna

hopefully y'all like music as much as I do...

by Hillsong United

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

Hosanna
Hosanna
Hosanna in the Highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith
I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You
Have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

Sunday, July 20, 2008

come for me

by Charlie Hall

Jesus come take me away, I long to see Your face
This world is broken yet beautifully made,
Jesus come take me away
Jesus I’ll patiently wait, till like a vapor I’ll fade
Help me fulfill all your dreams for these days,
Jesus I’ll patiently wait

You’ll come again with a shout,
like a thief in the night you’ll come riding on clouds
Finally the voice I have followed for life
has a glorious face that is lit up with light
And you’ll come for me, no more pain, peace,
No more fear, release
just lost and consumed with my glorious King,

And you’ll come for me

Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire,
but Jesus today I’m so tired

Come for me

my testimony in song

I was listening to this with a friend today. She'd never heard it. I used to listen to it on repeat. I remembered why. The lyrics are powerful. And just as true today as they were 11 years ago when Jesus grabbed my heart.

Martyrs and Thieves
by Jennifer Knapp

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time
In the absence of martyrs there's a presence of thieves
Who only want to rob you blind
They steal away any sense of peace
Though I'm a king I'm a king on my knees
And I know they are wrong when they say I am strong
As the darkness covers me

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am, I...

There are ghosts from my past who've owned more of my soul
Than I thought I had given away
They linger in closets and under my bed
And in pictures less proudly displayed
A great fool in my life I have been
Have squandered till pallid and thin
Hung my head in shame and refused to take blame
For the darkness I know I've let win

Can you hear me?

Well I've never been much for the baring of soul
In the presence of any man
I'd rather keep to myself all safe and secure
In the arms of a sinner I am
Could it be that my worth should depend
By the crimson stained grace on a hand
And like a lamp on a hill Lord I pray in Your will
To reveal all of You that I can

There's a place in the darkness that I used to cling to
It presses harsh hope against time...

Saturday, July 19, 2008

brave

"Here is one choice that our Father wants us to understand as Christians – and I believe it is the choice of our age. Do we want to be brave or safe? Gently, lovingly – our heavenly Father wants us to know that we simply can’t be both."
— Gary Haugen, International Justice Mission

Friday, July 18, 2008

a year ago today...

A year ago today I was getting ready for my sister's wedding. Lots of excitement. Lots to do.

It's funny to look back to that week. I had absolutely no idea that the next week would bring the beginning of what has been the hardest year of my life. But also, one of the best. I've seen the Lord show up in ways only He can. Prove Himself in ways I never could have imagined. Given me opportunities I never would have dared praying for.

He's answering prayers I gave up praying. (healing in my family, an opportunity to write, to live in Virginia-for a short time at least)

Still so much is unsure. But He is sure. His promises never fail. His love never ends.

And He loves me. The chief of sinners. So often unprepared for the attacks of the enemy. Un-trusting. Unyielding in my push for "what I want out of life."

I still need a lot of prayer. A long road still stretches before me. But I know He'll be with me every step. He always has been...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

rollin' with the homies

a fun filled Friday night with fabulous friends...


at Sekisui for Heather's birthday
yumm...Sushi pizza!



at Java and Jams with Jen
cause we look like sisters?

slavery

"Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6.12



The Lord has surrounded me with situations, people I love dearly or friends/family of loved ones who are struggling with an addiction. Something in their life that has mastered them. Taken them into slavery. I can't help but wonder, what am I supposed to learn...

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!
1 Corinthians 10.12

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? Now you, if you call yourself a Jew; if you rely on the law and brag about your relationship to God; if you know his will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of infants, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth-- you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? You who preach against stealing, do you steal? You who say that people should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who brag about the law, do you dishonor God by breaking the law? As it is written: "God's name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you."
Romans 2.1-3, 17-24

They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.
2 Peter 2.19

Monday, July 14, 2008

big news?

Sudan Leader is Accused of Genocide

PARIS — The prosecutor at the International Criminal Court on Monday formally requested an arrest warrant for Sudan’s president, Omar Hassan al-Bashir, on charges of genocide and crimes against humanity committed during the last five years of bloodshed in his country’s Darfur region.

Announcing the request, the prosecutor, Luis Moreno-Ocampo, said that Mr. Bashir “masterminded and implemented” a plan to destroy three main ethnic groups in Darfur, the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa. Using government soldiers and Arab militias, the president “specifically and purposefully targeted civilians” belonging to these groups, killing 35,000 people “outright” in attacks on towns and villages.

“His motives were largely political,” the prosecutor said. “His alibi was a ‘counterinsurgency.’ His intent was genocide.”

Mr. Moreno-Ocampo, of Argentina, said the Sudanese president had turned against civilians after failing to defeat a rebellion, and that the genocide consisted of more than direct killing. “Al-Bashir organized the destitution, insecurity and harassment of the survivors,” he said. “He did not need bullets. He used other weapons: rapes, hunger and fear. As efficient, but silent.”

At a news conference at the court in The Hague in the Netherlands, he said that he handed over his evidence on Monday morning to the three judges who will decide whether to issue an arrest warrant. An answer to the request is expected in the fall, lawyers at the court said.

But if the past is any guidance, the judges may well sign the arrest warrant. They have signed all 11 warrants the prosecutor has requested since he took office five years ago.

Genocide charges are the gravest any court can bring, and the prosecutor is expected to implicate others at the top of the Sudanese government.

The action against Mr. Bashir marks the first time the prosecutor of International Criminal Court has brought genocide charges against anyone. It is also the first time the prosecutor has brought charges against a sitting head of state since it opened its doors in 2002. Two other presidents, Slobodan Milosevic of Serbia and Charles Taylor of Liberia, were both charged by other international war crimes courts, also while they were in office.

But the request for a warrant against Mr. Bashir, whose regime has repeatedly ignored international requests to stop attacking civilians, seemed unlikely to lead to his arrest in the short term.

Mr. Bashir has scoffed at two arrest warrants the court has already issued against two other Sudanese officials, even promoting one of them to minister of humanitarian affairs.

The government of Sudan immediately rejected the accusations and said it would fight the charges through legal means.

“We will resist this,” said Rabie A. Atti, a Sudanese government spokesman. “Everybody in Sudan — the government, the people, even the opposition parties — are against this.”

He argued that Mr. Bashir was innocent and that the international court was “a stooge” for Sudan’s enemies.

He said the government was appointing a team of African and Arab lawyers to handle the case, and made it clear that the government would not vent its outrage on the thousands of United Nations and African Union peacekeepers in Sudan or aid workers.

“Nothing will happen to the U.N. because of this,” he said. “We will handle this with our legal advocates.”

A key question is whether the United Nations Security Council will intervene in this case. The council itself in 2005 asked the court to investigate the Darfur crisis, but it has the authority to suspend an investigation or prosecution for a one-year period. Since the prosecutor notified United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon last week of his plan to bring charges against Mr. Bashir, council members have met privately, with China and Russia warning that a direct move against the Sudanese president would jeopardize any future peace talks.

In Sudan, United Nations aid workers and peacekeepers worried that seeking a warrant for the president’s arrest could hinder their work and prompt reprisals against their personnel. In response, they stepped up security in Darfur, pulling out all but the most essential civilians. Other aid organizations have temporarily evacuated some of their staff from Darfur to the capital, Khartoum. A spokesman for Doctors Without Borders said that some of their staff had been threatened, although no one had been expelled.

But others have argued the action would provide a new opening to re-start blocked peace talks.

John Prendergast, a former Clinton administration official who co-founded Enough, a group that seeks to end genocide, dismissed the argument that indicting Mr. Bashir would torpedo the chances for peace in Darfur.

“The peace process is dead,” he said. “There is no process, and even more importantly, there is no leverage. Suddenly, a new variable has entered the equation in the form of the request for an arrest warrant,” he said. “While the I.C.C. judges consider this request over the next two months, there is a new point of major leverage over Bashir.”

He added: “Everyone knows what the issues are that need to be addressed. What has been missing is leadership and leverage. Suddenly, we have one of the two. Let’s see if Washington and Beijing can work together to provide the other.”

The prosecutor, in a interview before his announcement, said he was aware that some diplomats and commentators wanted him to delay his action, arguing that peace was more important at this point than justice. But he seemed undeterred.

“Some people have said that for me to intervene at this point is shocking,” he said in a recent telephone interview. “I say what is going on now is shocking. Genocide is going on now and it is endangering the lives of many more people.”

At first, the prosecutor said, the government attacked from the air, and used militia on the ground to destroy villages. “They kill men, children, elderly, women; they subject women and girls to massive rapes,” the prosecution says. “They burn and loot the villages.”

Such violence has displaced “almost the entire population” of the targeted ethnic groups, the prosecution contends.

“Now the attacks are on the refugee camps,” Mr. Moreno-Ocampo said in the interview. “And the government is hindering humanitarian aid as part of its plan.”

In a ten-page summary provided Monday, the prosecutor laid out the case, drawing a tough portrait of Mr. Bashir’s actions and seeking to show his personal responsibility for crimes committed in Darfur since 2003 until today. The prosecution says it has tracked all the known attacks between 2003 and 2008, outlining the government’s genocidal strategy to attack the towns and villages of the people from the tribes, while sparing those from other tribes considered aligned with the government.

The prosecutor’s charges include three counts of genocide for killing members of the Fur, Masalit and Zaghawa ethnic groups; five counts of crimes against humanity for murder, extermination, forcible transfer, torture and rape; and two counts of war crimes for attacks on civilian populations in Darfur and for pillaging towns and villages.

To obtain an arrest order, the prosecutor must provide credible information, but not prove the crimes as he would have in order to obtain a conviction at trial.

But Mr. Moreno-Ocampo said he had “very strong evidence that al-Bashir controlled everything, the generals, the intelligence, the ministers, the media. The janjaweed militia called him directly for instructions.”

Lawyers close to the court said that Western governments, under the continuing pressure of public opinion, may have assisted with the investigation — providing intelligence such as aerial surveys and electronic eavesdropping. “It is obvious that something must be done, the peace process has stalled and the humanitarian disaster only keeps growing,” a European diplomat said.

Peacekeepers in the region, there as part of a hybrid United Nations and African Union force, are particularly vulnerable to government retaliation, diplomats and analysts say. For months before their deployment, the Sudanese government had resisted merging a weak and under-equipped African Union mission with a United Nations force, arguing that United Nations troops would simply be used to execute arrest warrants for the international court.

Seven peacekeepers were killed in an ambush last week, and the force has been struggling to simply protect itself.

In the vast, restive camps of displaced people in Darfur, there has been support for the international court. But Julie Flint, an independent researcher who has written extensively about Darfur, said that protests within the camps would likely provoke a harsh response from Sudanese security forces.

“The camps are my biggest worry,” Ms. Flint said. “They could explode into violence.”

Even if the government of Sudan did not retaliate violently against to the announcement, it could make life harder for the displaced people of Darfur and the people trying to help them “in a thousand ways,” Ms. Flint said. “They can slow down permits. Make visas impossible to get. They can make an already difficult job impossible.”

The government has made no secret of its desire to see displaced people in Darfur leave the sprawling camps that are home to 2 million of people whose villages were attacked in the conflict.

“There is a great deal of concern that the camps will be vulnerable in this period,” said one senior aid official in Sudan, speaking anonymously to avoid retribution. “The government has been looking for a reason to shut them down.”

Marlise Simons reported from Paris and Jeffrey Gettleman from Nairobi. Lydia Polgreen contributed reporting from Dakar and Alan Cowell from London.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

prayers

the Lord is really moving in the life of my church. big things are happening. and the enemy has taken this time to have a field day. this scripture seems quite appropriate and the Lord really has it on my heart.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them. Rom 1.18-32

We learned about personal evangelism on Sunday. A much needed reminder that I actually "owe" the nations the gospel. This song came on when I was driving home and it really struck me based on what I'd just learned.

God of this City, by Chris Tomlin

You're the God of this city
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You Are

For there is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

You're the Lord of Creation
The Creator of all things
You're the King above all Kings
You Are

You're the strength in our weakness
You're the love to the broken
You're the joy in the sadness
You Are

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Where glory shines from hearts alive
With praise for you and love for you
In this city

Greater things have yet to come
Great things are still to be done
In this city
Greater things are still to come
And greater things are still to be done here

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

interesting

apparently this guy is like THE GUY when it comes to oil in America. good to think about!



since our abuse of fuel has led to bio-fuel options which starve the already starving nations, I'm ready to listen to any good ideas!

Sunday, July 06, 2008

quote

Although I am an unworthy and condemned man, my God has given me in Christ all the riches of righteousness and salvation without any merit on my part, out of pure, free mercy, so that from now on I need nothing except faith which believes that this is true. Why should I not therefore freely, joyfully, with all my heart, and with an eager will do all things which I know are pleasing and acceptable to such a Father who has overwhelmed me with his inestimable riches?
Martin Luther

Friday, July 04, 2008

desert song



by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow.

Monday, June 30, 2008

monuments built on the brink

I've got too many to count. And I'm sure you do too.

Times when all hope was lost. When you felt like you couldn't take one more step, breathe one more breath, wake up for one more day. You were on the brink.

But then, the Lord showed up. Most likely in a very unexpected way.
A new friend, who really did understand.
An unexpected refund from your car insurance when you weren't sure how you would put food on the table tomorrow.
A moment of perfect peace, in the middle of a raging storm.
A new treatment, for an old disease.

A stream in your figurative desert. . .
A monument built.

And your situation may not have changed permanently. But your perspective on that situation sure did.


I'd love to hear about one of your moments. A time when the Father showed up. And about your monument of remembrance. . .

Saturday, June 28, 2008

let me sing

by Caedmon's Call

I will sing for the meek
For those who pray with their very lives for peace
Though they're in chains for a higher call
Their mourning will change into laughter when the nations fall

In spirit poor
In mercy rich
They hunger for Your righteousness
Their hearts refined in the purity
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing
Lord let me shine for them
Lord let me sing

Thursday, June 26, 2008

amazing

okay, this is random, but I totally love it. so I wanted to share!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

the darkest night

I feel like this thought isn't finished, but the Lord is the one who is going to have to finish it, so for now...

the waves threaten
my boat is tossed
no land I see
my hope is lost

but Jesus my Savior
comes to me

I'm in despair
of life itself
my tears are food
there's nothing else

but Jesus my Savior
comes to me

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

yep. . .

reading this, my thoughts go to close friends in great pain. pain that the Lord is and will use to make His name great. . .

“Whom God would use greatly He will hurt deeply.”
- A.W. Tozer

Monday, June 16, 2008

a hero's secrets


my Pa, my hero

So, I went out to spend some time with the fam for Father's Day. It was a little crazy inside so I escaped to the porch with my Pa, who just so happens to be my hero.

He likes to talk about birds.


baby birds in a nest he rescued


and their daddy bringing food

I like to ask questions about his life. Today I found out that he was a track star. But got expelled from school after graduation because he cussed out his track coach for not putting him on the list to go to a state meet in Huntsville, AL. Even though he was the best runner on the team.
Instead of going to his graduation he hitchhiked from about 2 hrs away to Birmingham to join the Navy. It was the day before his 18th birthday. Not long after he was on a train to San Francisco.

Hysterical. And not surprising.


me and Elise, who looks so much like me when I was little
scary!


with my granny who I look so much like-scary!

Thursday, June 12, 2008

read it!

it's that simple. . .




"So how do we keep the faith, sunny side up, in the face of this maddening mystery side of God? And how can we "recommend" a walk with God when, frankly, he seems to have abandoned us to wallow in our pain, to have shut his ears to our pleas and to have heartlessly left the scene of the accident? What is an honest saint to do when God appears either indifferent or impotent?
This book confronts these issues head-on and offers believers in despair biblical perspective and practical direction that should reinvigorate the spirit of all who regularly heed and apply them. It is about walking with God in times of trouble, about being tested to our socks, about what to do when exptreme pressure threatens our very faith."

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

switchback

okay, the other was just a little too much for me. deep inside I'm a simplistic, not so frilly girl. who just so happens to love fashion. but not blog fashion . . .

Monday, June 09, 2008

one weird day

a bad logic board on my computer, again-bad
a whole day off work-good
sunburn from the day off-bad
new hair-good
the bank messed up my checking account-bad
a photo I took is being published-good
i can't get my car out of park-bad
fun white pants for summer-good
rain when wearing fun white pants-bad

rocker chic

something new I'm trying for the summer
;-0


I stinkin' L-O-V-E it. . .

and the other side, of course!


up close for the blue eye shadow that matches :)

Friday, June 06, 2008

MY JOURNEY, definitely worth taking

You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in you.
St. Augustine

This past year has definitely been the hardest of my life.  But in more ways than one, I'm so thankful for it.  Even those moments when I thought I couldn't go on.  I've learned more than I could begin to share with the world.  And constantly prayed that none of it would be in vain. That the Lord would use it in the lives of other people as I share my story and comfort those going through similar experiences.  

As I look back over the last year- the people I've met, had time to spend with, places I've been, time I've been able to spend studying and learning- I wouldn't trade it for anything.  

Everyday I realize more than ever, that my life is not about ME.  How incredibly selfish I am to think that in any way this has been about me figuring out what I want to do.  Who I'm intended to be.  To find the PERFECT JOB for ME.  

I find myself praying, telling the Lord how much I want to do for Him.  And begging Him to let me do it.  Really, how much I want to do?  FOR HIM?  He reminds me that if He were hungry, He wouldn't tell me!

Jesus said that if we seek to find ourselves we will lose ourselves.  If, in other words, we make self-discovery the first order of business in our lives, self-discovery will turn out to be the thing that does not happen.  Jesus goes on to say, "But whoever loses his life for me will find it."  There is a strange irony here-but it makes sense in a world where everything comes from God and exists for God.  If I make God's glory and honor "everything," then everything else, including figuring myself out will fall in line.  But if I make my glory and honor everything, I will be looking at things through the wrong end of the telescope.  Reality will be distorted and far away.  I will miss my true purpose.
A Journey Worth Taking, Charles Drew

Thursday, June 05, 2008

?

Not sure what I think of this change.  But it's something different.  I was way bored with the black.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

unbelievable

-I work with a bunch of people who don't recognize this song lyric
"my future's so bright, I've gotta wear shades"

-Until 2 nights ago my step dad had never seen an episode of Law and Order
NEVER. SEEN 1 EPISODE. OF LAW AND ORDER. . .

-Average price of gas in Birmingham: $3.85/gallon
when you can't afford to drive to church something is wrong. . .

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

You're Not Alone

I dig this song. I think cause no doubt about it, we've all been there. Wondering where the Lord is when the night closes in. Barely able to breathe because the pain is so great. And then the reminder comes, "I'm right here. I'll be here down every road. Through every valley. I've loved you and walked with you all your life. . . and I won't stop now!"

by Meredith Andrews

I search for love, when the night came, and it closed in, I was alone, but you found me, where I was hiding, and now I'll never ever be same, it was the sweetest voice, that called my name sayin

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every fear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest night, And I'm the one that who's loved you all your life, All of your life

You cry your self to sleep, cause the hurt is real, and the pain cuts deep, all hope seems lost, with heart ache your closest friend, and everyone else long gone, you've had to face the music on your own, but there is a sweeter song that calls you home, saying

You're not alone, For I am here, let me wipe away your every tear, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through the darkest nights, And I'm the one who's love you all your life, All your life

Faithful and true... Forever, For my love will carry you...

You're not alone, for I... I am here, let me wipe away every fear... Oh yeah, My love I've never left your side, I have seen you through your darkest night,

Your darkest nights, And I'm the one that's loved you all your life,
All of your life

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Aslan

I went and saw Prince Caspian with Amy on Wednesday. When it was over we both just sat there and tried not to break down in tears. It was such a good picture of our reluctance to trust Him. Especially when we are in the middle of a fight for our life. Our temptation to make a deal with the enemy to fight His very battles. This song keeps coming to mind.
He's not a safe lion. But He's so good. . .

by Kendall Payne


Don't stop your crying on my account
A frightening lion, no doubt
He's not safe, no he's not safe
Are you tempted now to run away?
The King above all Kings is coming down
But He won't say the words you wish that he would
Oh, he don't do the deeds you know that He could
He won't think the thoughts you think He should
But He is good, He is good
I know you're thirsty, the water is free
But I should warn you, it costs everything
Well, He's not fair, no He's not fair
When He fixes what's beyond repair
And graces everyone that don't deserve
No one knows Him whom eyes never seen
No, I don't know Him but He knows me
He knows me, He knows me
Lay down your layers, shed off your skin
But without His incision, you can't enter in
He cuts deep, yeah He cuts deep
When the risk is great and the talk is cheap
But never leaves a wounded one behind

Thursday, May 22, 2008

feels like a broken heart

I had one of those days where I got motivated to go through boxes filled with really old stuff.

I found something. . . memories.  The good and the bad.

Specifically stuff from before I went to Africa.  Like pictures from my commissioning, May 2002.  It's been down here ever since.  It's weird to look at pictures of myself then and put myself in that girls shoes.  So excited about what was to come.   With no idea of the hurt that can come from being in ministry.  No idea that she'd leave home thinking she'd be a missionary forever and return with no idea if she'd ever go back.   And 4 years later, still the hurt is there. . .