can I be perfectly honest?

I'm learning something about myself...something big.

I'm afraid. I don't mean your average afraid. Not afraid of snakes, or planes, or the dark (although I am afraid of the dark).

I'm afraid of life.

I'm afraid of failure. Afraid of missing the mark. And messing everything up. Afraid of not being smart enough. Afraid of expectations. I'd rather you just not expect anything, I don't know how much I have to give. Afraid of love. Loving others and being loved. Afraid of change. The unknown. Afraid of me. Afraid of you. Afraid of what you'd say if you knew. Afraid I'll miss the plan. And miss out on my whole purpose. Afraid of disappointment. Of disappointing or being disappointed. Afraid of who you might really be. Afraid I'll make the wrong choice. Afraid I'm not pretty enough. That I don't fit the mold. Afraid I'll never figure it out. Afraid if I follow, there will be only pain.

For a long time I've been sitting in the corner, in the dark, afraid. But the Lord is shining His light in...and revealing the deep fears. The light hurts my eyes...but once I'm awake, I've adjusted...Lord, I wanna be brave...help me set my face like a flint and walk straight towards you. No fear, only faith...because perfect love casts out fear!