Friday, March 13, 2009

i try to pretend it didn't happen

ignore it so it doesn't hurt so bad.

but the reality is
every day I miss him.
11 years later it doesn't really hurt any less.

I cried tonight remembering him.
remembering what a redneck he was.
that time he tried to creep me out by turning his eyes opposite ways.
his tattoo he got for one of his last birthdays.

how he never stopped believing in the people he loved.
no matter how bad they hurt him.

I cried tonight because i'll never get to know him as a funny shrinking old man.
I cried because he'll never get to know me as an adult. to see how strong i am.

I cried because sometimes a little girl just needs her daddy.

2 comments:

Peggy said...

yep.

mrs. darling said...

I wonder if it works this way...I wonder if when I read this and my heart began to ache for you and I cried to God and prayed to Him that it isn't fair you are hurting and I cannot be there to hug you. I wonder if He hugged you for me, if He sent His angels to wrap their wings around you for me...I wonder if it works like that?