find me

HERE!

something new?

so, my neighbors keep using up all the hot water! (yes, I live in one of those buildings.) what's a hard working girl to do to get all the nasty germs from work off?

anyways, i've been kinda bored here lately. i can't talk about work, its against the law. i can't talk about school, cause you'd be grossed out and bored too. and my personal life, well, these days it makes me happier for it to stay personal :)

which all leads me to the fact that i'm thinking of doing something new. something that y'all might actually care about too. something fashion and beauty. interested??

Your Hands

just heard it...I love it!!

by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

a new way to live

"just for today i will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. i can do something for 12 hrs that would appall me if i felt that i had to keep it up for a lifetime."

For I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.
Malachi 3.6

living with me

this past week has been one of the hardest in my life. its put me on my face realizing how much I need help and healing in the deep dark recesses of Amber. I need time to work on myself. and the Lord is giving that to me. I won't go into details here...but, it's over. For now at least. My prayer is that in the Lord's timing we'll be ready. Or that He'll heal my broken heart...

and I don't want to trust Him. I'm just being honest. but I know I have to. He's the only one that will never walk away...

even more music

you've probably heard this before, I'm pretty sure it's pretty old...but doing my Bible study today brought this to mind, so...

He Is
Aaron Jeoffrey

In Genesis, He's the breath of Life 
In Exodus, the passover Lamb 
In Leviticus, He's our high priest 
Numbers, the fire by night 
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice 
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice 
Judges, Law giver 
In Ruth, the kinsman redeemer 
First and Second Samuel, our trusted prophet 
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign 
Ezra, true and faithful scribe 
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives 
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage 
In Job, the timeless redeemer 
In Psalms, He is our morning song 
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry 
Ecclesiastes, the time and season 
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream 
He is, He is, He is 

In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace 
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet 
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel 
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin 
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire 
In Hosea, He is forever faithful 
In Joel, He's the Spirits power 
In Amos, the arms that carry us 
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior 
In Jonah, He's the great missionary 
In Micah, the promise of peace 
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield 
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival 
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage 
In Zechariah, our fountain 
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings 
He is, He is, He is 

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah 
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven 
In Romans, He's the grace of God 
In Corinthians, the power of love 
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin 
Ephesians, our glorious treasure 
Philippians, the servants heart 
In Colossians, He's the Godhead trinity 
Thessalonians, our coming King 
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor 
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant 
In James, the one who heals the sick. 
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd 
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride 
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and the Lord of Lords 
He is, He is, He is 

The prince of peace 
The Son of man 
The Lamb of God 
The great I am 
He's the alpha and omega 
Our God and our Savior 
He is Jesus Christ Lord and when time is no more 
He is, He is

leave the scar

Heal the Wound
by PoG

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

He fails us NOT

Fail Us Not
1000 Generations

Failure doesn't phase you.
Worry doesn't win.
Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again.
Our sin doesn't shock you.
Our shame doesn't shame you at all.
Mistakes do not move you.
Terror doesn't tame.
Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave.
Our suffering doesn't scare you.
Our secrets won't surprise you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you.
Evil doesn't ail.
Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail.
Our doubt doesn't daunt you.
Our darkness won't defeat you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

something witty

i so wish i had something witty to say. a good story. or something i'm learning about.
but i just don't.
right now my life is filled with microbiology and anatomy/physiology. i'm overwhelmed. fitting 2 huge classes into a 10 week semester has been way harder than i ever imagined. most of my free time is spent studying.
OR spending time with kevin. he's the boy in the picture from the last post. i'm sure i'll have more to say later, but for now just know that he's fantastic. i wish i could introduce him to all of you...
but for now i promise to share more soon :)

better late than never, right?

i went to Auburn to visit my new "nephew"
so stinkin' precious-1st time i've almost cried seeing a baby for the 1st time...


i had a birthday-with the girls at Sekisui, yumm...

Memorial Day, my sister and bro-in-law came in from VA for about 24 hrs. it was so good to see her after over a year!


with our Granny


me and my mom-a reminder of the Lord's grace in my life!


sisters

things I'm loving right now

Essie Delicacy-so pretty and light for summer


Voluspa Goji and Tarocco orange candle-your house will smell good for days


all around fantastic sandals from GAP


shocking I know, but this is a J.Crew dress. I have it in Navy.
Happy Birthday to me!

and now for the thing I'm loving the most these days:

SLEEP!

a day on the 9th

I really wanted to be able to put into words what my days look like. but it was just impossible. my day starts at 5:00 and I don't get back home till 19:30. almost everything in between is a blur. some days are better than others, some days I actually get 10 minutes to stand still.

everyday I realize more and more how blessed I am to have this opportunity. I get to learn new stuff and see new procedures every day. it should really help me not only getting in to nursing school but once I start clinicals. I see stuff everyday that a lot of nurses never see.

but there are bad times too, our patients are really really sick. on the elevator the other day people were laughing about how many stops it takes to get to the 9th floor. and one of the nurses was telling someone that the 9th floor is the worst place in the hospital. her reasoning was totally false, and I kinda laughed. but it's neat to see how the Lord has placed me in what I think is the best place in the hospital, learning about the type of nursing that I want to do, and there are so many who don't want to ever step foot in a trauma/burn unit.

a couple of things stick out in my time so far:
1. never ever under any circumstances get on a motorcycle. when things go bad there's not a lot that can be done.
2. people in generally good health heal much faster after trauma and leave the hospital much faster.

on my 2nd day I watched someone die, I was standing there helpless with nothing to do but pray. which I know is exactly where the Lord wanted me. I know He can work miracles, and I know I will get to see it happen. but please pray for me as a light in the darkness and peace in the storm!
and also, as I begin applying for nursing school-I would love to stay where I am because of the learning opportunities I have here, but I want to be where He wants me. so I need wisdom!

the GREAT exchange

"This is that mystery which is rich in divine grace to sinners: wherein by a wonderful exchange our sins are no longer ours but Christ's, and the righteousness of Christ not Christ's but ours. He has emptied himself of his righteousness that he might clothe us with it and fill us with it; and he has taken our evils upon himself that he might deliver us from them."
Martin Luther

not what you hoped they'd be

wow...



Pray
by Kendall Payne

I will pray for you now, for you have been my faithful friends
While the road we walk is difficult indeed
I couldn't not ask for more than what you've already been
Only that you would say these prayers for me
May your heart break enough that compassion enters in
May your strength all be spent upon the weak
All the castles and crowns you build and place upon your head
May they all fall, come crashing down around your feet
May you find every step to be harder than the last
So your character grows greater every stride
May your company be of humble insignificance
May your weakness be your only source of pride
What you do unto others may it all be done to you
May you meet the One who made us
And see Him smile when life is through
May your blessings be many but not what you hoped they'd be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see
May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you'd learn to trust the plan He has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true
I have prayed for you now all my dear and faithful friends
But what I wish is more than I could eever speak
As the way wanders on I'll long to see you once again
Until then, would you pray these prayers for me?
Oh, that you would pray for me

ummm...

Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the Lord?" or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.
Proverbs 30.7-9

week 1

well...week one of the rest of my life is almost over. and i'm thankful for this week and all that i've learned and seen.

1. apparently my new employer is often referred to as the University that Ate Birmingham
2. it spans about 15 blocks, so as you can imagine, i'll be doing lots of walking
3. to get to work in the morning i drive 23 blocks east, and then take a bus 14 blocks back west. to get home i do the same, just in the opposite direction
4. i have learned a lot about how to take care of patients and all the rules that of health care
5. on our tour of the hospital today we visited the helipad. a helicopter was coming in for a trauma and we got to see it all happen. don't get me wrong, it's not that i want anyone to be hurt bad enough to have that happen, but it was one of the coolest things i've ever seen
6. everything i've learned has increased my resolve and i'm more than ready to be done with school and be able to move forward in my career
7. pray for me as i move forward with classes and start applying to nursing schools-for wisdom and that the Lord would give me favor in their eyes!

making progress

I've been reading The Pilgrim's Progress. I'm just finishing it up. And look back on the story a few things come to mind:

1. This spiritual battle is real. And it's going on around us ALL THE TIME. I think I would live my life differently if I were more aware of the reality of what is going on in the spiritual realm.

2. Throughout the story there are places the pilgrim stops to rest, places the Prince of pilgrims created for that purpose. But there are also places that he is told he should never stop or be tempted to rest, these places are created by the enemy to trick him into a slumber that he would never awake from. He needs the guide to tell him when it is okay to rest, and when he needs to keep moving forward.

3. All the characters are named by the chief character strength or fault. I wonder what my pilgrim name would be?

A couple of my favorite quotes (these both come from Part II of the story):

...but I am resolved to keep in the good way, to run when I can, to walk when I cannot run, and creep when I cannot walk; yet to keep my face toward Zion. My journey may be long and toilsome and my mind and body weak; yet my heart is set on that fair City at the end of the way, beyond the river that has no bridge.

I see myself now at the end of my journey; my toilsome days are over. I am going to see the head that was crowned with thorns and the face that was spit upon for me. I have been living by hearsay and faith, but now I am going where I shall live by sight, and I shall be with Him in whose company I delight. I have loved to hear Him spoken of, and wherever I would see His footprints on the sand of time, there I delighted to walk. His name has been to me a precious treasure-sweeter than all perfumes. His voice I rejoice to hear, and His face to me exceeds all beauty in earth and sky. His Word I have used as food for my soul and for antidote against my faltering. He has kept me back from my iniquities, and He has held me fast. Yes, my steps He has strengthened in His way.

part 4 of in my heart i'm still a dancer

76. Just after posting part 3, I had my very first wreck and my car was totaled. Thankfully, no one was hurt and it wasn't my fault.
77. Thanks to number 76, I am now the proud owner of a new-er car.
78. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid to follow my dreams. No matter how scary it may be.
79. I prefer my sweet potato casserole with brown sugar and nuts.
80. Tomorrow I will eat my first Lebanese food in exactly 5 years. I am overjoyed. There's some fattouche and a schwarma calling my name!
81. I wear a retainer most nights for TMJ. I started this habit in Africa when I put a whole in one of my teeth from grinding them at night. Something about a civil war made my life a little stressful then.
82. On Monday I will start my 10th new job in two years.
83. My new job is a Patient Care Technician in the Trauma/Burn ICU at UAB Hospital. If I end up in nursing school at UAB, hopefully this job will last a while.
84. Not long after Part 3, I also had my very first case of food poisoning. I may never eat fish tacos again.
85. I also recently participated in my very first Ash Wednesday and Maundy Thursday services.
86. I recently read an article about milk that totally freaked me out. I am now on a mission to eat as much organic and locally grown or raised food as I can. It will be a learning experience for sure.
87. I am thinking of applying to nursing school in the great state of TX or CA. Why not?
88. When I get stressed I don't eat. Quite the opposite of most people.
89. And if given the choice between sleeping or eating, I'll always choose sleep.
90. I can't study while its still daylight outside. It must be hereditary cause my sister is the same way.
91. Speaking of my sister, in May I will see her for the first time in over a year.
92. I had to buy scrubs for my new job. They came in the mail today. As I suspected, I am not cute in scrubs.
93. I took an entomology class in college. Complete with bug collection. I did great on the tests, but flat out failed my bug collection. Ever since having to collect bugs I am terrified of any bug that flies.
94. I also took a Mammalogy class where I had to skin and stuff a rat. Yes folks...as much as I wish it wasn't, its true.
95. Other than being overseas for 2 years, J.Crew is the job I've had the longest. 1 yr and 8 months.
96. I'm not a jewelery person, but I have one necklace that I wear every single day. It has a pendant in the shape of Africa. It's a constant reminder of what the Lord did...and opens doors of conversation almost every day.
97. I sometimes find myself reading blogs of people I don't know. I'm not sure how I end up there or why, but I find it intriguing.
98. I also read a lot of recipe blogs. A LOT. I'm not really sure why since I never cook any of the recipes. But a girl can dream.
99. My 31st birthday is coming up very soon-so far I feel like it will be harder than 30.
100. I love you all and appreciate your friendship more than you'll ever know!

if the world were a village

I saw this on the Tom's website recently and thought it was worth sharing. Apparently the statistics come from a book "If the World Were a Village" by David Smith.

if the world were a village of 100 people...

1 has AIDS
3 are slaves
14 are illiterate
20 are malnourished
23 drink polluted water
25 have no shelter
30 are unemployed
33 have no electricity
40 have no shoes
45 live on less than $2 a day
48 have no sanitation
56 have parasites

a great future!

There remains for us only the very narrow way, often extremely difficult to find, of living every day as thought it were our last, and yet living in faith and responsibility as though there were to be a great future.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Kyrie

Lord Have Mercy

Jesus I've forgotten
The words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart
Have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow
The paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me

I have built an altar
Where I've worshipped things of man
I have taken journeys
That have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning
To Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgression
Help me love you again

I have longed to know You
And all Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness
Ever flowing without end
So I bow my heart before You
In the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

God, be merciful to me, a sinner!
Luke 18.13

i try to pretend it didn't happen

ignore it so it doesn't hurt so bad.

but the reality is
every day I miss him.
11 years later it doesn't really hurt any less.

I cried tonight remembering him.
remembering what a redneck he was.
that time he tried to creep me out by turning his eyes opposite ways.
his tattoo he got for one of his last birthdays.

how he never stopped believing in the people he loved.
no matter how bad they hurt him.

I cried tonight because i'll never get to know him as a funny shrinking old man.
I cried because he'll never get to know me as an adult. to see how strong i am.

I cried because sometimes a little girl just needs her daddy.

i spoke too soon :(

pretty sure she's dead, and something new-er will be replacing her soon.
i'm very thankful i walked away with only a few bruises and air bag burns!


yes, all the hoses were hanging out from underneath, and my wheel well was falling off


the other car was a big truck so my car ran right up underneath her.

she was a beauty, well...not so much, but she sure got me from place to place. and i was planning on giving a run at another 140,000 miles.

part 3 of in my heart I'm still a dancer...

51. My RHR (resting heart rate) is 45. Yes...I am in fact alive.
52. I had tubes in my ears 2x as a kid.
53. Between ear problems and malsorption (I won't gross you out with that one) I spent most of my time at Children's Hospital.
54. A recent fundraising event for that same hospital is what gave me the final push I needed to pursue nursing school.
55. I never wear shorts, except to run in.
56. I am currently working one job 40 hrs a week, working a 2nd job (J.Crew) somewhere between 5 and 10 hrs a week, I'm taking 6 hrs in school, and training for my 1st half marathon. So...I'm kinda tired.
57. I've never had a wreck. One fender bender where no one's fender was actually bent. Outside of that, so far so good.
58. I've had 2 speeding tickets and one ticket for rolling through a stop sign.
59. I took the ACT twice because I wanted to do better...I wanted to go to DUKE.
60. I go through a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, and at least one box of cereal every week.
61. I'm pretty sure if the Lord had blessed me with the ability to sing I would be super prideful about it.
62. I have a routine in the morning. Every morning I get out of bed at 6:30. I get clean and then blow dry my hair. At 6:51 I sit down, turn on the Today show and put my makeup on. At 7:00 I get up and start getting dressed. I grab some breakfast, and walk out the door at 7:15. Every day. Without fail.
63. When I was a freshman in college I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day...the Lord is gracious and merciful, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
64. My favorite jobs I've ever had were a car wash and Starbucks. I think it had something to do with being on my feet, talking to people, and not having lot of crazy stuff to remember.
65. I have no idea what size my bed is. Sometimes I'm convinced it's a full, others that it's a queen. So I just buy whatever and make it work.
66. When I grow up I want a great dane named mr. darcy.
67. I think movies and tv should be sunshine and roses, so I really don't watch thrillers or dramas.
68. When I need to relax I listen to bluegrass music.
69. My sister and I have the same favorite scripture, neither of us knew it till we were adults.
Psalm 63.3 for those of you who are curious.
70. 1 Timothy 1.15,16 is the scripture the Lord used in my life as a college student to show me how He wanted to use me.
71. I love white pants during the spring and summer!
72. I have to use the exact same amount of shampoo as conditioner every day. I can't handle one bottle being finished before the other.
73. I love to shop online and would buy my groceries that way if I could.
74. I look so much like my grandmother that total strangers ask me if I'm her granddaughter. And so much like my mom that people tell me that they met my mom and I'm like well how did you know it was my mom. They laugh.
75. Pizza is by far my favorite food IN THE WORLD.

i took a walk today...

well, it was actually yesterday...it snowed in Alabama and I thought it was a perfect chance to show you my lovely neighborhood.


my neighborhood is known for all the parks...i live between the 2nd and 3rd parks and they make for a lovely place to run.


it's the oldest neighborhood in Birmingham, so there are lots of lovely old houses that people use for weddings and events...


pretty red berries in the snow!


a view through one of the intersections.


my apartment building

a southern girl...born and bred

someone recently berated southern girls to me...here's to what their missing ;)

thanks to little Ruthie

This was written by Robert St. John, executive chef and owner of the Purple Parrot Cafe, Crescent City Grill and Mahogany Bar of Hattiesburg, MS.

Thirty years ago I visited my first cousin in Virginia. While hanging out with his friend, the discussion turned to popular movies of the day. When I offered my two-cents on the authenticity and social relevance of the movie Billy Jack, one of the boys asked, in all seriousness; "Do you guys have movie theaters down there?" To which I replied, "Yep. We wear shoes too."

Just three years ago, my wife and I were attending a food and wine seminar in Aspen, Colo. We were seated with two couples from Las Vegas. One of the Glitter Gulch gals was amused and downright rude when I described our restaurant as a fine-dining restaurant. "Mississippi doesn't have fine-dining restaurants!" she insisted and nudged her companion. I fought back the strong desire to mention that she lived in the land that invented the 99-cent breakfast buffet.

I wanted badly to defend my state, my region, and my restaurant with a 15-minute soliloquy and public relations rant that would surely change her mind. It was at that precise moment that I was hit with a blinding jolt of enlightenment, and in a moment of complete and absolute clarity, it dawned on me -- my South is the best-kept secret in the country. Why would I try to win this woman over? She might move down here.

I am always amused by Hollywood's interpretation of the South. We are still, on occasion, depicted as a collective group of sweaty, stupid, backwards-minded,20racist rednecks. The South of movies and TV, the Hollywood South, is not my South.

This is My South:

My South is full of honest, hardworking people. My South is the birthplace of blues and jazz, and rock n' roll. It has banjo pickers and fiddle players, but it also has BB King, Muddy Waters, the Allman Brothers, Emmylou Harris and Elvis.

My South is hot. My South smells of newly mowed grass. My South was kick the can, creek swimming, cane-pole fishing and bird hunting.

In my South, football is king, and the Southeastern Conference is the kingdom.

My South is home to the most beautiful women on the planet.

In my South, soul food and country cooking are the same thing.

My South is full of fig preserves, cornbread, butter beans, fried chicken, grits and catfish.

In my South, we eat foie gras, caviar and truffles. In my South, our transistor radios introduced us to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones at the same time they were introduced to the rest of the country.

In my South, grandmothers cook a big lunch every Sunday, so big that we call it dinner (supper comes later).

In my South, family matters, deeply.

My South is boiled shrimp, blackberry cobbler, peach ice cream, banana pudding and oatmeal cream pies.

In my South, people put peanuts in bottles of Coca-Co la and hot sauce on almost everything.

In my South, the tea is iced and almost as sweet as the women. My South has air-conditioning.

My South is camellias, azaleas, wisteria and hydrangeas.

In my South, the only person that has to sit on the back of the bus is the last person that got on the bus.

In my South, people still say "Yes, ma'am," "No ma'am," "Please" and "Thank you."

In my South, we all wear shoes.... most of the time.

My South is the best-kept secret in the country.

Please continue to keep the secret....it keeps the idiots away.

rules of the road

for those of you whose momma's didn't raise you right...
because you are driving me CRAZY.

1. Just because your car is bigger, or more expensive, doesn't mean you are more important.
2. Dr Mr Motorcycle Driver, the traffic laws apply to you, too.
3. When merging onto an interstate or highway, you are supposed to accelerate to the speed of traffic by the time the merge takes place. If you do this, you'll never have to stop and wait to merge :)
4. And speaking of stopping, do you realize that you aren't supposed to ever STOP on these interstates and highways. They are created to get people places quickly.
5. Switching lanes multiple times does not actually help you get anywhere any faster.

and finally...Your destination is NEVER more important than my life. NEVER.
Remember that.

for you Mrs Darling...

heard this tonight at the gym, it's not new, but I thought of you...all of you!
I wish we could all see ourselves the way the world sees us. The things I dislike most seem to be the things others adore.

Freckles
Natasha Bedingfield

I used to care so much about what others think about
Almost didn't have a thought of my own
The slightest remark would make me embark
On the journey of self doubt
But that was a while ago
This girl has got stronger
If I knew then what I know now
I would have told myself don't worry any longer it's OK

'cause a face without freckles is like a sky without stars
Why waste a second not loving who you are
Those little imperfections make you beautiful, lovable, valuable,
They show your personality inside your heart
Reflecting who you are

Who you are
Who you are
Who you are

I wondered if I could trade my body with somebody else in magazines
Would the whole world fall at my feet?
I felt unworthy and would blame my failures on the ugliness I could see
When the mirror looked at me
Sometimes I feel like the little girl who doesn't belong in her own world
But I'm getting better
And I'm reminding myself

a call to action

so, this week while working out and listening to some Jesus music, I had the distinct feeling of missing Him.

He knocked on the door...I let Him in and dined with Him! (Rev 3.20)

For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward, but if not of my own will, I am still entrusted with a stewardship. What then is my reward? That in my preaching I may present the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.
For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.
1 Corinthians 1:16-27

O Church Arise
Keith Getty, Stuart Townsend

O church arise and put your armour on
Hear the call of Christ our Captain
For now the weak can say that they are strong
In the strength that God has given
With shield of faith and belt of truth
We'll stand against the devil's lies
An army bold whose battle cry is Love
Reaching out to those in darkness

Come see the cross where love and mercy meet
As the Son of God is stricken
Then see His foes lie crushed beneath His feet
For the Conqueror has risen
And as the stone is rolled away
And Christ emerges from the grave
This victory march continues till the day
Every eye and heart shall see Him

So spirit come put strength in every stride
Give grace for every hurdle
That we may run with faith to win the prize
Of a servant good and faithful
As saints of old still line the way
Retelling triumphs of His grace
We hear their calls and hunger for the day
When with Christ we stand in glory

the weekend

I worked at J.Crew most of the weekend.
It's amazing how much money people are still spending. Apparently the few sunny days we had inspired a lot of spring shopping.
Today, more rain.

I went with a good friend to eat sushi at MakiFresh, we were both pleasantly surprised.
I hate the way "surprised" is spelled.
Anyways....I HIGHLY recommend the Cowboy. Yummm...
And I've been thinking of how lovely it would be for a cowboy to come and take me away.

While we are at dinner I called a "gas station" a "car station."
Remember the problem of forgetting words...Heather laughed. Hard. Cause really?!

i am second

part 2 of in my heart I'm still a dancer...

part 2

26. One of my favorite things about the a fore mentioned cat is watching her clean her face with her paws.
27. The other favorite is when she decides to try and figure out what I'm doing and comes crashing into the bathtub.
28. I don't keep sweets in the house. If I buy them, I'll eat them. ALL. In one sitting.
29. I have more nicknames than I can count...Am, AD, Ambrosia, Hambone, Squirrel, Ambipure, Amber waves of grain, Amber Amber, little Ber, little Arbs, Arbo, Bo...the list could go on.
30. I had an imaginary friend as a child. I think his name was Jacob, for the life of me I can't really remember, but you know what they say about people with imaginary friends :)
31. When I was three years old I decided I was fat. I put myself on a diet of vienna sausages, cottage cheese, and peaches every night for 2 years. And didn't gain another pound that whole time.
32. I have never been on a blind date. In fact, anytime someone tells me they want to set me up, they usually find out within a week that the person is already dating someone else.
33. For a year and a half I lived with, worked with, and went to church with my best friend. We survived.
34. I have a really bad memory and have totally forgotten what I intended #34 to be. Between thinking of it and writing "34."
35. I have never ski'd. Snow or water. Which you might have figured out by the fact that I have no idea how to spell it.
36. I have arthritis in my hips and can predict the weather. Yes, I am too young. But I was even younger 10 years ago when it started.
37. I have a degree in wildlife science, but have never been hunting. I have always wanted to learn how to Turkey hunt. I think I'd look super cute in snake boots.
38. Pink has NEVER been my favorite color.
39. I am not good at sports involving a ball. No depth perception. This doesn't bother me. I find it hysterical, teammates don't think its near as funny as I do. So I don't play often.
40. I know this is going to sound really strange, but I am really good at colors. Some people can remember words on a page, photographic memories. I'm that same way, but with colors. I can see them as vividly in my head as if they were right in front of me. And could walk into an art store and match a color I saw last week exactly.
41. I have no friends from before the age of 14, and I have no idea why.
42. I try to eat organic whenever I can. I think it's the healthiest choice in life.
43. In college my roommates and I would go over to "hang out" with some guy friends and steal toilet paper from them. They always had some and we were always out.
44. My grandparents met AND got married in the month of February. My grandpa shouted out in the middle of downtown San Francisco "I love this girl!" Told her he wanted to marry her one day. And 3 days later they were married. Sigh....
45. I don't believe in new cars. But I'm definitely in the market for something new-ER.
46. There's only one piece of furniture in my apartment that I paid for. A couch that I bought on Craigslist for $200 from a lovely family in town.
47. My sister is 7 years younger than me. People can't tell who's older. This makes me laugh...but it makes her kinda mad.
48. We fought like crazy when I was younger, but now I count her as my closest friend. I don't have to finish my sentences-and I love it. And she's sees the world from my perspective, so the things that make me angry make her angry too.
49. One of my goals in life is to live in a city where I don't need to own a car. This means no car payment, no insurance, no oil changes, no tire rotations, no petrol, etc, etc, etc. Sweet bliss.
50. Okay, so...I'm pretty sure that 95% of celebrities look better brunette than blond. By default, that means that 95% of you look better brunette than blond. If you got it, flaunt it. I wish I did.

in my heart I'm still a dancer...

and a hundred other things

Part 1

1. I do not like weddings.
2. I don't believe that just because you get invited to a wedding you have to go. Or give a gift.
3. I don't like the smell of Krispy Kreme. Shocking, I know...
4. Reading is not relaxing to me. Therefore, I don't read fiction books.
5. If I need to relax I read a magazine, or watch a girlie movie.
6. I take a bath ALMOST every night of my life. And ALMOST always use lavender bubble bath.
7. I dream of owning my own business one day.
8. I take life very seriously...to whom much is given, much is required.
9. This causes problems with my stress level...which has a lot of physical side effects.
10. My favorite pictures of myself are the ones where I don't have a double chin. It's not there in real life, but always seems to appear for pictures.
11. I hope to run a half-marathon one day. Maybe even a full.
12. I would wake up tomorrow and move to NYC, London, Paris, or Prague...
13. I'll be 33 when I finish nursing school, if all goes well.
14. I'm thinking of pursuing a Master's in Public Health once its all said and done.
15. But one day I also want to go to school to be a makeup artist.
16. I've thought of getting Lasik to fix my eyes, but glasses are such a part of my personality I don't know how I'd replace them.
17. I prefer black and white and not posed (what's the word for this) over color and posed.
18. Sometimes I completely lose words that are used everyday. See above.
19. I don't make my bed. Ever. I don't believe in it. Call it a character flaw.
20. I wish my hair were darker. If I go somewhere new they don't believe that someone would want to go darker when "everyone wants to be blond."
21. I just started drinking coffee a year and a half ago. I remember the day I drank it and thought, "wow, this isn't as bad as I remember it being."
22. I made myself get in the habit of only eating out once a week. Now sometimes I don't eat out for weeks at a time, I prefer the food I cook at home.
23. My movies are organized by who starred in them. It's weird, but I know where to go when I want some Sandra Bullock.
24. I'm not sure that even if the opportunity presents itself, I want to have my own children. By "have" what I really mean is "birth". I want to adopt at least 3.
25. I'm not a cat person, but I have one. She's African. And she is stinkin' adorable.

things you may not know

I almost left public school to go to the Alabama School of Fine Arts.
I was a dancer...and pretty dang good.
But I didn't want to forfeit a good science education. I wanted to be a doctor.
I stopped dancing in middle school and went back for a while in high school.
I still wonder how my life would have been different if I kept dancing...

After spending my almost my whole life in the Southern Baptist church...
I am no longer Southern Baptist.
I'll become officially Anglican in February.
Not that I really think denominations mean anything, but its a better fit for me.

I entered college as a sophomore.
I also entered as a pre-Med major.
I wanted to be a pediatric oncologist and work at St. Jude's.
Then my daddy got cancer.

Since I got back from Africa in 2004, I've lived in 10 different places.
And had 12 jobs.
But I'm only on my 2nd car of my whole life.

I have a degree in Wildlife Science.
No, I never plan to do anything with it.
I thought I might go to vet school.
Then I knew God was calling me overseas after school and none of it seemed to matter.

My dad only ever recommended one book to me.
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee.
I still haven't read it.
I've Netflix-ed the movie and should get it next week.

catching up

I started school last week. So far so good. Although I think my online Psychology class is going to be much harder than I anticipated. Apparently they think that if you are not in the classroom they have to give you enough busy work to simulate the time you aren't spending in the classroom.

Anatomy and Physiology I is going well. I had lab Tuesday night and called my sister afterwords with a realization. I'm not really sure how I can remember that cardiac muscle is distinguishable by the intercolated discs. And somehow have no idea when my step dad's birthday is.

It's colder here right now than it has been in six years, they say. Six years ago when it was this cold I was in Africa, where 80 degrees is cold. So, its fair to say I haven't been this cold in a long time. But I'm learning to dress for the weather. This morning driving down the road a few things came to mind. 1. If you are so desperate for a cigarette that you are driving down the road in this weather with your window down, you might have a problem. 2. There are a lot of homeless men and women living on the streets of Birmingham. And there are shelters, but probably not enough for everyone. I pray they find a place to stay safe and warm, and that the Lord will use me in some way.

I started running again. Trying at least. I have a fallen arch in my right foot that is really bothering-anybody know anything that'll make this feel better?

you make me crazy

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
Herman Hesse (1877-1962)

This was the Google quote of the day yesterday. I'm not actually sure who this guy is, please forgive me if he's some famous dude I'm supposed to know. Anyways, I find this so intriguing because I find this to be true in my life, and I notice it over and over. Normally if there's something that drives me up a wall about someone, that very thing is a huge struggle for me.

Take your insecurities. I notice them easily. And they grate on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard. Which is ridiculous. Have I ever spent a day with myself? I'm like the most insecure person I'll ever meet...I just deal with my insecurities different than you do. And my subconscious (aka my PRIDE) has decided that the proper way to deal with them is my way. Which by default makes your way the wrong way. Which means it drives me crazy...

Not you of course, just your insecurities. I ADORE YOU, naturally.

Brutal. Honesty. people

1 Timothy 1.15-17

my beloved

Chris Tomlin

My beloved mine, I His,
My beloved mine, I His,
My beloved mine, I His,

His precious blood was spilled,
His precious blood was spilled,
His precious blood was spilled,
My beloved mine, I His,

He raised my life up from the dead,
He raised my life up from the dead,
He raised my life up from the dead,
My beloved mine, I His,

When my eyes shall see His face,
When my eyes shall see His face,
When my eyes shall see His face,
My beloved mine, I His,

Mighty God, Faithful One,
My Beloved, my Beloved,
You're the Lamb of God,
You're the Holy One,
My Beloved, my Beloved, my Beloved,

My Beloved mine, I His,
My Beloved mine, I His,
My Beloved mine, I His

what He's done

Come and Listen
David Crowder

Come and listen, come to the water's edge, all you who know and fear the Lord.
Come and listen, come to the water's edge all you who are thirsty, come.

Let me tell you what He has done for me.
Let me tell you what He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.

Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.
Praise our God for He is good.

He has done for me,
He has done for you,
He has done for us.

Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.
Come and listen,
come and listen to what He's done.